Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize