VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
