and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
