My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
