i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
