thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
