you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
