Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
where are you?
Hypothermia
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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