Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She told me I should be a condom model.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
