Cold hands, warm shart.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
It's Friday. Sex?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
