I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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