Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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