stop calling my apartment porn island.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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