if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
