Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
