New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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