one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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