Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
