Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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