I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
