You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
