oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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