Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
