There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
