Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize