I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
