I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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