then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
