what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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