Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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