it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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