if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Randomize
