I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Found the puke drawer
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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