My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
