You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
