And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
