Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
