he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
