piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
