i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
