I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
She said her name was "party"
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
