You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Randomize
