the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
