whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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