so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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