Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
When are your genitals available?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
