I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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