Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
