I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
