I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize