I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
