Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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