i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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