hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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