So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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