ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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