We're like a lot better than the average bears
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
