my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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