Tell her she can't have a vagina
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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