Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
