would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize