His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
