you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
