You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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