I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
