I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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