They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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