at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
