took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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