my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
