big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
