he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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