I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i just had sex bonerless
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
