Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I came so hard my ears popped.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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