He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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