Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It's shark week go big or go home
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
