the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
