Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize