I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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