oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
