Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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